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Norman the Doorman - a strip about a violent doorman named Norman who works at the cinema, and then can be found in the most inopportune places such as a funeral, challenging everyone who attempts to enter. He even appears as a ' Santa's Elf' at one point, refusing entrance to a little boy and his father, before turning on Santa himself, fists flying as he shouts "Who let you in here with a hat on, sunshine?" If I ever win the lottery Im giving all my money to charity If shes not dancing that night Im giving it all to Destiny Afternoon tea with Mr Kiplin – About Mr Kiplin (a parody of cake manufacturer Mr Kipling) inviting someone over for tea but because he eats so much cake, he eventually vomits for the whole night. YOUNG mothers: Calm hysterically crying children in the supermarket by firmly slapping their legs and then tugging them along by the wrist.
EMPLOYEES: Only use the loo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid. PC Blouse – a police officer who is ineffective at his job because he is weak and cowardly and is also not taken seriously by the public. Maxwell Straker – Record Breaker. Maxwell spends most strips making increasingly futile attempts to appear in the Guinness World Records, only to end up in a bad situation where he inadvertently gets his wish: such as falling into the world's longest coma, getting the longest ever prison sentence, or breaking the record for "the world's daftest cunt".
Latest Daily Jokes:
Captain Captured – the man who's constantly caught. At the start of each strip, Captain Captured would get captured in a mysterious Bond villain-like fashion. He would then escape only to get captured again, and again, and again, and... Billy Britain – a right-wing ultra-nationalist resembling Enoch Powell who appeared in two very early strips. Chris Donald considers him an early prototype of Major Misunderstanding. He also made a one-off reappearance in the September 2002 issue satirising the issue of asylum seekers, where after he spends the strip making several futile attempts to round up illegal immigrants, the local authorities turn his home into a detention centre for refugees.
Little Plumber – Spoof of Beano comic strip Little Plum, in which the American Indian is a jobbing [ clarification needed] plumber.Winning the lottery Wife: Do you think we'll win the lottery this week? Other people win it all the time, so why can't we? BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping it into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60mph. After three miles, phone your wife to take the egg out the pan. Fru T. Bunn – a "Master Baker" who makes his own sex dolls out of gingerbread and then attempts to have sex with them. Often he actually succeeds, only to be discovered in the last frame by his wife and daughter (Little Chelsea - ref to the Chelsea Bun)!! Brown Bottle – a reporter (sometimes a bank clerk) who thinks he becomes a superhero when he is drunk on Newcastle Brown Ale. In reality, all that happens is that he becomes viciously drunk and passes out, but the twist in the story is that he manages to save the day anyway, by sheer accident. The character is based on Davey Graham, a musician friend of Chris Donald's, who made a similar transformation under the influence. [6] Brown Bottle's enemy Ciderwoman (a "supervillain" who gets her powers from drinking cider) appeared in this strip and her own occasional strips in the magazine. Boswell Boyce - He Throws His Voice - An incompetent ventriloquist who repeatedly tries and fails to become famous.
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